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Feb. 5th, 2006 @ 05:36 am sending me to bed again.
Current Mood: omg lol lol no way
Current Music: bright eyes - another traveling song
haha. tonight. tonight sealed it. i guess you can call me a loser, call me a wannabe, call me a "stalker"(u wish) call me what you will. i realized that love isnt a hoax. i realized that infatuation is what it is meant to be. im not the average get in the pants guy. yea, call me a nice guy, a good guy, genuine, i dont care. when i like a girl, i really like them. it's not some physical reaction, but unfortunately, it's taken that way. if she doesn't realize, oh well. maybe and definitely are just sugar coated words. in a way, im relieved. and in a way, im bleeding from running my head into a dead end, but this wasn't a dead end, this was a detour. i learned. i dont want to be married. i dont want a relationship. i want the truth. but that's asking for the world. so i'll just keep on my merry way. i really liked your sense of humor and your eyes, but i guess i wasn't hot enough. lo siento.
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Oct. 18th, 2005 @ 08:47 am hello morning
Current Mood: my heart has a rythmic beat
Current Music: wallflowers
my sleep patern has been out of whack and i have shifted. i sleep during the day and the am hours have been my hours of leisure while the pm hours are dreams and drool stains. its not bad to tell you the truth. it can get lonely, but the night is fun when everyone is awake. dinner is at 7 am with breakfast usually at 8 pm. but i eat the foods that go along with the proper hours, strange huh? i used to get nervous when the sun would come up when i was awake, having it a sign that its too late to go to sleep and that im in a jam for the rest of my day, but the the sun coming up is welcome now. i feel like my sleeping patern. im not happy, but im not depressed. i sleep during the day but not at night. there's got to be something better than in the middle as put by jacob dylan. i have the anxious feeling of something amazing happening but also of missing out from it not being here. my toes are getting tired from being on them all the time, but ill stay on them. i need a friend to visit school so i can bring home up here. that would be a good time. i gotta take the bus to the bank. good morning. have a nice day.
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Sep. 25th, 2005 @ 05:56 pm (no subject)
this journal process is immature. sorry.
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Sep. 20th, 2005 @ 12:28 am (no subject)
i dont wanna beat around the bush.
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Sep. 18th, 2005 @ 10:04 pm (no subject)
i was told this place was paradise. ive experienced my personal hell. i dream of cold steel against nervous flesh to send me away in the blink of an eye. all i can do is give it time until i reach that crossroad. ill try.
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Jul. 21st, 2005 @ 02:13 pm drunk writing.
Current Mood: pondering
Current Music: jets to brazil
i realize that when i write anything im drunk. and i look at it the next day when im sober and i laugh. i mean some of the stuff is over exaggerated and sounds a lil wierd, but that the booze typing. i woke up at 2 and have work in an hour. fun. i want to go crazy tonight.
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Jul. 21st, 2005 @ 05:32 am (no subject)
it is to the point where i dont even want to talk about it.
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Jul. 20th, 2005 @ 04:41 am fahkin myspace. the decline.
Current Mood: fuck off
Current Music: bright eyes. at the bottom of everything
haha i think expressing yourself on myspace is a weakenss. go out to a fucking bar and meet someone. go out and meet someone. it has come down to stting down in our houses and typing frantically and missing out on the times outside. that baffles me. they should have a myspace marriage colony for the fucking losers that "fall in love on myspace" and have them live on a an isalnd without computers. of course keep an isalnd filled with divcorce lawyers close by...
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Jul. 19th, 2005 @ 05:32 am epiphany or the same story?
Current Mood: right here man.
Current Music: tbs - great romances of the 20th century
ive realized that ive been doing wrong the whole time. i know whats up. im pretty drunk right now. im not boasting, im just explaining my state of mind. my priorities are in check and my eyes are on the genuine prize. otherwise i need a passport, 3 grand and better pick up lines. other than that, heY! it summer. ps, i need to take pictures so my kids wont think im a liar or a dead beat dad. speaking of kids, jason at work, is awesome. i call him daddy strength because he has a little girl and once u have kids, u become stronger, same goes with kieth. so if some punks think they can fuck with those guys, its not going down, daddy strength is powerful i know, i felt a daddy strength head lock and a dead arm. daddy strength is the new thang. why? cuz i know ;) muhahhahaha (wtf?)
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Jul. 17th, 2005 @ 05:07 am thomas is the all american dd
Current Mood: yea man
Current Music: elliot smith - i figured you out.
its mad late. im just sitting here. i cut my foot walking to my bed, and i sobered up mad quick. tonight was an ok night. some drinking, some laughing. it was alright. i want tomorrow to be fucking nutz. that is all. goodnight. no more games, only reality.
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Jul. 16th, 2005 @ 04:57 am there's a problem....
Current Mood: fuck you
Current Music: spill canvas - all hail the heart breaker
i have a problem. i get attatched to easily and too much. ive known it for a while, but now it has hit me hard. i just want things to be real and lively. if i dont feel it i dont feel it. but then again, i cant live a fairytale and expect glorious twists and beautiful endings. i need to stop. playing games isnt fun, if you have to play a game to get someone, its not worth it, because there is someone that doesnt want to play a game, they just want to be. fuck the games, fuck the rules, its not worth the time. i can play games, but it makes me feel like a puppet and im just working towards something that wont pan out. such a cruel process. intrest is given, and there is no response, no intrest is given and the response is in front of you. i understand it i just dont want to. i cant wait til albany, and ps, im sorry i was a bitch, i just didnt feel like doing anything, i didnt feel right. i got busted when i got home. im more scared of a breathalizer by my mom than by the cops. im an asshole. i need to get out of here and get my shit straight. off to shelter isalnd in 3 hrs for the retreat. i dont want to go but i want to. all i know is that im not playing games. im finished.
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Jul. 15th, 2005 @ 04:19 am nomahhhhh and cough syrup.
Current Mood: werd
Current Music: bright eyes - first day of my life
im wasted and talked to lauren about how i want to make movies and i lost my keys at a bar. that sucks. but she gave me a cigarette, so thats cool. i wasnt suppossed to go out tonight, but all i can say is, fuck the free world. its all about being real man, just be real. i cant wait for albany. :)
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Jul. 15th, 2005 @ 12:05 am just thinking, just wondering, just wasting life.
Current Mood: sitting here
Current Music: the spill canvas - your evil soul+all hail the heartbreaker
im going to croatia now. i thought i wasnt going to go, but as the people on the trip said "the blessed mother works for me and makes things happen." i tried not to laugh when they said that. where was the blessed mother? that is a good question to ask. unless God wasnt me to be a priest. i really don;t want to be a priest, i enjoy being somewhat religious and having faith, but the priesthood isn't for me. i remember when this girl told me the priest talk freaked her, she just said that because she really didn't like me and wanted to push me away. so either way, i lost that one. i havent been to church since the weather was cold. i felt wierd praying with the people. i feel my faith is a private thing, and i only feel good truly talking about is with my friends from hs because they know me better than anyone. a trend i saw about the vocations is that the guys are really prissy and some are really annoying. flamboyant almost. which is funny and interesting, but the attitudes are annoying. i liked everyone that was my age range that are going, they were really cool. im really excited about this trip. im not excited about summer, this summer has kind of sucked. my life is a blur, i just go out and get wasted and wake up. there is no substance, no girlfriends, no good money. it feels good to have something to look foward to. i feel rejuvinated, like something good will happen, but when i do that, it goes sour, i think ahead to much. i think about the future. all i should think about is me going to shamrocks with some friends and enjoying myself, but that will be nothing. it will be sitting there and just drinking. a laugh here or there, but nothing real, nothing colorful. i want to be real. i want to blossom and see what it is like on the other side. for now all i can do is be thankful for who i am, where i am and what i am. because that is what i have.
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Jul. 14th, 2005 @ 01:55 am writing and wraving
Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: jets to brazil - perfecting lonliness
i see that horoscopes lie and tell the truth. they can predict the world for you but that shit doesnt happen.

i look everyday to see what lies (are) ahead
i look everyday to your pale blue eyes
i told you the news of my horoscope
you giggled and said its true
but now i am full of doubt with little hope
because i get the feeling we are through
i felt the world through your lips and the wind through your hair
the whole time i must have been alone and u werent there
im done with playign this game and checking everyday
cuz everytime i check its a lie
im done playing this game and checking everyday
cuz everytnight before i sleep i ask myself "why?"
(stop asking, start answering no)
why do i allow myself to fall right in
if u were to ask a sober man, he'd say it was sin
i get a whats up and a half smile
the next time i think of you will be for a while
im done with this game and checking everyday
cuz everything read is a lie
im done with playing everyday
cuz im better than asking myself "why?"
(stop asking, start answering no)
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Jul. 13th, 2005 @ 09:22 pm hang up already
Current Mood: steamyyyy
Current Music: killers
im mad bored. i realized that i should not call certain people anymore. dont tell me to call you and dont fuckin pick up. just dont waste my time. its like what the fuck man. i cant wait for school and to get the fuzz outta here. it is going to be amazing. im a be the fuck out. pz.
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Jul. 13th, 2005 @ 04:53 am these thangs are kewl.
Current Mood: quixotic
Current Music: new fall out boy


Your #1 Match: ENFP




The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.
You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.
Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller!

You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.


Your #2 Match: ENTP




The Visionary

You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression.
You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything.
Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off.
You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments.

You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor.





The Keys to Your Heart



You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.


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Jul. 13th, 2005 @ 03:13 am i cant feel my legs.
Current Music: bright eyes
i should have paid to go to yugoslavia and met supermodels and james bond's. i should have kept my mouth shut and not have talked to your friends. i should have went home instead of staying out later with you. i should have gone to baltimore more often but stayed home "that" weekend. i should have kept my hopes low and my doubts up. i should have been human, i should have never met you. i am alive and this road is beautiful.
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Jul. 13th, 2005 @ 02:23 am oh so tired, but yes!
Current Mood: out of my body
Current Music: old tbs
ill write whenever the fuck i want to. im tired and hopped up on codeine at the moment. it feels good. its from my cough medicine. i drank with it last night and got really sick. it was bad news bears. summer is at the half way mark. i got a bday comin up, but i need to work the rest of the summer to make my money. credit cards, car accident, and albany money. this is going to be a crazy couple of weeks. i cant wait. the beach, delaware, warped tour, bday and bars. thats my agenda. that is all. say so long and say goodnight.
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